Author: Wesley Fryer

More of my notes from the MoRanch Conference are available on Eyes Right:
https://pocketshare.speedofcreativity.org/

Opening Quotations from:
Rev Timothy Dwight
Clarence Darrow
Kurt Warner

George is a developmental psychologist, educated at Yale and UNC Chapel Hill, before SMU he taught at UT Austin for 20+ years

Outline – Parenting 101 Concepts
– Values & Discipline, Sibling Relations, Marital Conflict

Significance of parenting
– parenting is the most important thing we will do in our lifetimes – bad parenting has many links to behavioral problems, mental health problems, obesity, underachievement,more…

Parenting defined: “an ongoing dynamic process, consisting of guiding your child on pathways leading toward the goals of being a healthy, happy, competent, productive and spiritual adult.”

Positive developmental pathways / roads are the key

Components of basic parenting
– responding
– preventing
– monitoring
– mentoring
– modeling

In grad school I studied parents who effectively managed their young children in the supermarket
– many kinds of proactive, preventative behaviors were used

Monitoring key to redirect children on good pathways

we can’t expect our kids to have behaviors we don’t model ourselves Ways parents influence development
– love and nurturance
– direct instruction: skills, discipline, values (over meals, in conversations, verbalize beliefs and don’t assume kids read minds and know why we value things)
– indirect instruction (modeling)
– control of opportunities (environment, exposure)

But genes and social influences also play a big role

Fathers
– dimensions of involvement (accessibility – presence and availability)
– engagement (actual behavior)
– Responsibility (executive decisions, monitoring, arrangements, Types of fathers
– uninterested and unavailable
– traditional
– assistant parent
– co-parent
– primary care parent

16% of dads today in the US are primary care, stay-at-home dads

Issues
– In what ways does our secular society create problems for parents with faith?

Busyness
Materialism
Sex and violence (kids exposed earlier to this)
Consumerism

Values and Discipline

How do children learn values
– direct instruction
– observational learning
– reward / punishment
– others

“Preach the Gospel at all times, If necessary, use words.” (no citation)

Teaching Values
– determine values you want to teach
– more…

Purposes of discipline
– teach appropriate behavior
– eliminate unwanted behaviors
– develop intrinsic motivations

To be effective discipline should be
– immediate
– consistent
– teaches a lesson
– maintains respect for the child
– rewards good behavior

Common Parental Errors
– escalating with coercion (not a good long term strategy)
– failing to reinforce desired behavior (attention is one of the most powerful, positive motivators
– inadvertantly reinforce undesired behaviors

Spanking is linked to unintended consequences
– more likely to use violence with peers
– some become depressed and anxious
– models aggression
– not teach kids how to behave
– ineffective because one cannot follow correct learning principles (immediate, consistent, harsh)
– it doesn’t promote positive parent-child relations

orient toward positive relations
– promote positive, reciprocal relationships
– avoid coercive patterns
– discipline should be based on values

Process of value internalization for kids:
– Child understands the value
– Child accepts the value
– Value is supported through discipline

80% of families have siblings

Parenting strategies for sibling rivalry:
– monitor from afar
– create consequences and stick to them
– make individual space for them
– make individual time for them
– encourage different interests

Families are social systems

MY THOUGHT: I WISH GEORGE HAD A WEBSITE WHERE HIS RESOURCES, INCLUDING SLIDES, WERE AVAILABLE. THIS SHOULD BE A BEST PRACTICE FOR CONFERENCE PRESENTATIONS OF ALL KINDS.

THIS PRESENTATION DRIVES HOME THE THEME THAT DIALOG BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN IS THE KEY

Emotions are elicited in relation to our goals
– if goals are met, that produces positive emotions
– if goals are threatened or blocked, negative emotions exist

Emotions are a basic part of life and important for competent functioning

Destructive forms of marital conflict
– aggression
– intense anger
– escalation
– withdrawal
– child blaming
– lack of resolution

Constructive forms of marital conflict
– mutual respect
– emotional modulation (not blowing up)
– positive communications
– resolution or progress toward
– agreeing to disagree

The Six Basic Skills
– leveling – clear, constructive and simple – focusing, one issue at a time
– validating, expressing value to partner perspective
– editing, controlling reactions to partner message
– giving feedback, paraphrasing, asking for elaboration, strategies to promote dialog
– display and verbalize love

Common pitfalls
– negativity – stonewalling
– withdrawal Marital conflict affects children by threatening their sense of security
– it is important for kids to witness some constructive disagreement, seeing the outcome can be positive

John B Watson quotation: The rearing of children is more difficult than all other professions, even law

George’s book costs $70: Parenting A Dynamic Perspective
http://books.google.com/books?id=aPy2MURvaZIC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Parentin…&q&f=false

George is organizing Global Summit on Ending Corporal Punishment and Promoting Positive Discipline http://smu.edu/psychology/html/globalSummit.html

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Mateen is the author of “Understanding the Koran: A Quick Christian Guide to the Muslim Holy Book”
http://www.zondervan.com/Cultures/en-US/Product/ProductDetail.htm?ProdID=com….

Mateen is also currently the pastor of our church in Edmond, Oklahoma
http://www.fpcedmond.org

Mateen was approached by a publisher after 9-11 to write a book that would introduce Christians to the Muslim mindset and many other thorny issues

Building bridges or fences: are we trying to merge, build fences or both?

Poem “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost
– something there is that doesn’t love a wall, That wants it down
– good fences make good neighbors

Often as humans we want both of these
– what is true in personal relationships is also true for religions

We can’t eliminate differences because we want to be together

Who are our Neighbors: Some Basics
– Islam is not a creedal religion (with creeds)
– there are six agreed upon fundamentals

1- the unitary nature of the one sovereign God (no trinity)
2- Angels, demons, and jinn exist
3- God has sent 104 books of revelation, of which 4 remain (Torah, Zabur, Injeel, Qur’an)
4- 124,000 prophets were sent into the world 5- There will be a Judgement Day for all humans
6- Predestination Torah are the books of Moses, but generally refer to the entire Old Testament
Zabur are the Psalms of David
Injeel refers to the revelation brought by Jesus
– when Muslims hear “gospel” they think of Injeel as a single book, most haven’t read the New Testament

Muslims believe Mohammad was the last of those 124,000 prophets

The word Islam means submission

Koran paints vivid pictures of heaven and hell

Muslims think Jesus was a prophet but not divine Muslims think God will send Jesus back at the end of times, but God (Allah) will will judge the world

Typical Muslim statement at a funeral, “What Cn You Do?” wit a shrug

Five Pillars (behaviors)
1- recitation of the Shahada
2- performance of the five daily prayers (salat) – must be said in Arabic
3- Almsgiving – 2.5% of assets annually (zakat) – not income, that is assets, and per year
4- Fasting during month of Ramadan (sawn)
5- Hajj- pilgrimage once in your lifetime (required for males who can afford it, Muslim tradition holds that all pre-Hajj sins are purged / forgiven)
6- Jihad – a 6th required activity

Muslim calendar is lunar calendar, about ten days shorter than Gregorinan calendar
– cycle is 36 years then relative to western calendar
– this means Ramadan is always moving through the western calendar

The Dilemma
– between the world views of Christianity and Islam we share much in common, yet we would cease to be one if we adopt beliefs and behaviors of the other

Examples of the Dilemma
– exclusivistic claims
— Christianity: one Trinitarian God, known fully only in Jesus Christ
— one way to salvation
— more

— Islam
– essence of God is sovereign power, call to appropriate slavey
– one law which all must obey, submission – one people of God (ummah) bound by shahadah
– Mohammed is one final prophet, he is considered the ideal human being to be emulated
– one final revelation: Quran
– one true religion, straight path- religion of Abraham

Haddid traditions include info about Mohammad, can be translated into other languages unlike the Quran
– amount is about five times the size of the Bible

16% of the Muslim world is native Arabic

Many Muslims don’t understand the old Arabic of the Quran

B. both religions have expansionist goals
– Christianity: missional Matthew 28:18-20
– evangelistic
– sovereign reign of Christ- Phil 2:9-11
– motive: participation in God’s love for a lost world

Muslims believe it is blasphemous to say Jesus will sit on the throne at the end of time, because they do not accept Jesus as God

– Islam
— from prophet for the Arabs to messenger for the world
— 7th C Arabian culture and lifestyle divinized
— Issues call to submission to all the world
— Kingdom of Gd a political and religious reality

— motive: participation in God’s sovereign conquest
— use of jihad as legitimate strategy under certain circumstances
— classical understanding: law of abrogation (warfare)
— parameters defined clearly in Shariah

3rd area of disputes: Eschatological Vision
– Christianity
— living presently in end times
— realized vs consistent eschatology: already and not yet
— apocalyptic flavor
– Kingdom of Christ is not of is world
– Christ’s return leads to separation of sheep and goats
– Hell = place of torment

– Islam views
— expansion of the religion as peace of Dar al-Islam increasingly swallows up Dar al-Harb
— apocalyptic flavor
— end times scenarios vary but have some common characters: re-established caliph, Antichrist, Mahdi, al-Masih – Jesus

There is no Caliph currently for Muslim world, Shiites have one but not Sunnis

After death of Jesus, day of judgement
– Heaven as place of sensuous reward
– He’ll as place of unmitigated reward

No personal interaction between God and people in heaven for Muslims

Reference Revelation 21 and 22
– God says he will wipe away all tears himself
– that is such an act of intimacy

Essential Fences
A Theology: essential nature of God
B Chrstology: high or low
C Creation: for what purpose did God create humans
D Echthrology: how do we treat enemies
– Jesus said love your enemies
– Muslims believe they should either convert or kill enemies

4 Potential Bridges
– shared morality in many areas
– similar calls for social justice and care for the marginalized
– shared sacred stories to some degree
– Muslims do not believe this: our shared fallen human nature and need for assurance of divine mercy and personal forgiveness

Frontiers are changing now
– After a 328 year lull (Vienna, 1683) Islam is once again penetrating the West
– God is on the move in the Muslim world
– through supernatural means, through dreams
– through the Internet, through technology
– Muslims are having the first time in many cases to hear the gospel message about who Jesus is

Our fear must be replaced by Christ centered love for Muslims

Poem by Edwin Markham: We drew a circle and took him in

Question about recent Middle East events

Recent protests in Syria are remarkable given the 1982 slaughter of 20,000 people by the father of the current leader, who was trying to stop protests

There is no woman mentioned in the Koran by name except for Mary (even Eve is not mentioned by name, just as Adam’s husband)

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Westminster encampment near Shriner (story of Jim’s father hearing God’s call on his life to full time, professional ministry)

Evangelism has been on my heart for 30 years

Matthew 9:35-38
Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives. When he looked out over the crowds, his heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd. “What a huge harvest!” he said to his disciples. “How few workers!” On your knees and pray for harvest hands!”

See it at YouVersion.com:
http://bible.us/Matt9.37.MSG

Dwight Moody was very odd
– he tried to stir up conversations with people about Jesus

1871 event affected him dramatically
– the great Chicago fire

Remember singing that song!

What is our way of doing evangelism?
– story of Dwight Moody asking a lady who said she didnt like his method of evangelism

Notice the eyes of Jesus: He saw the crowds
– we have to start by noticing who does not know Jesus Christ

We do know people who aren’t Christians, but many of us don’t notice them

Between 120 and 150 million “functionally secular” people (may drop by a church a few times for the occasional funeral)

4% of students at UT are near a church on Sundays

Do we see how remarkably our culture has changed?

75% of the builder generation today are connected to a church
Baby boomers

GenX is 21% churched
Millenials are somewhere in the low teens

Do you see these trends?
Do you have the eyes of Jesus

June 6, 1946 parade in Prospect Park in Brooklyn, New York
90,000 kids were out of school
117th annual Sunday School Parade

Are you noticing who is not yet in Christ?

Do you notice many people who are not living the best years of their lives, being apart from Christ

Story of hitchhiking college student running into a Jesus freak twice

Note the compassion of Jesus
– we must have compassion first to move forward in evangelism

Do you see the plentiful possibilities?

In Colorado we have more people looking for life

We have fewer people in church in Colorado Springs than in Boulder, Co

Until 1925 Presbyterian elders had to answer a list of questions
– one was has their been an outpouring of the Holy Spirit which has resulted in conversations?

1905-1915: Southern Presbyterian Church was the fasted growing denomination Till 1952 we had more adult baptisms than infant baptisms

THIS MAKES ME THINK OF GEORGE BARNA STATS, AND THE IDEA THAT WE CAN OR SHOULD JUST GIVE UP ON EVANGELISM FOR ADULTS

85% of mainline congregations today are flat or declining, most who grow are growing because of the circulation of the saints

Presbyterians on average share their faith once every 15 years

Soren Kirkegard parable: shop window sign, “pants pressed here”
– clerk said we just paint signs here

For average person to come to Christ: 4 years
– they will hear parts of the gospel from five people

Are we willing to share it
Jesus’ plan is not to form a committee
He plan is ask the Lord of the Harvest to send out workers
We need to pray

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