Category: struggles

A relative sent me this, and I thought I’d share it.

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said,
“Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side.”

Very quietly, the doctor said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?”

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, “Did you notice my dog? He’s never been in this room before. He didn’t know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing…I know my Master is there and that is enough.”

One of my favorite guys in the Bible–after Job and Paul, of course–is Simon Peter. Maybe it’s silly to find Peter likable, but what I like about Peter is that he’s so darn fallible. He has the full range of emotions, from fear to courage but never quite sure what to be at any particular time. Like a leaf blown about by the wind, it’s clear that his emotions get the better of him. He strikes me as a man of passion, aware of his fallacies and yet emboldened by the Christ to be better, better than he could imagine for himself.

If I believe in this guy, if I’m going to be true to who I am, then, dammit, I’m going to act on it. I’m not going to sit here, huddled in fear with everyone else. Command me, Jesus, and I know that I can do it…for if the Living God wills it, how could it NOT happen?
Source: Matthew 14:22-31, Bible

Often, I wish for the black-n-white of a mandate. It’s great when the boss walks in and says, “Do this just like this and take whatever steps need to be taken, irregardless of cost, time, or staff.” But, as you go up the hierarchy of authority, you realize you have less power to wield that authority, and everything is in shades of grey except your integrity.

It’s at these times that I have to come back to Peter, huddling in the boat as the storm rages, and Jesus walks upon the waves. I imagine that Peter didn’t run from his fear all the time. When God was there, commanding him, he stepped into Fear like a boxer, raised his fist and struck back for the rest of us. It’s at these times when the sky is overcast, and everything seems to have a grey tinge, that I remember that if Peter, a simple, weak man who denied Christ 3 times when Jesus needed him most, who displayed less loyalty than a dog…if he can find the courage in God’s Word Made Flesh, then I can certainly find courage as well.

Dammit, I’m not going to sit here, huddled in fear with everyone else. How many people, who had the chance, stood up and overcame their fears to survive 9/11? And, even if death crushed them, at least, they died commanded by the Living God. And…really, what else can a person ask for?

As I have grown older, I have begun to see others differently. When I was young, I saw only the good in others. My mother and wife referred to this as seeing my values reflected in others…in truth, I wasn’t seeing them, just seeing what I valued.

As I grew older, I became disillusioned. It seemed I had to control others, manipulate them to achieve what would be right for everyone concerned. I only saw the worst, a reflection of my fears.
Now, when I look I see people just like me, fearful and worthy of being loved. So long as I can see them, witness them as they are, recognize the hypocrisy and the desire to do well, and, love them where they are, leadership is less about direction, more about finding the best possible answers together.
This vision flows not from my strengths alone, but my weaknesses, my absolute surrender to the fact that I am a sinner…it is a surrender that does not come easily. God must fight me every day for that surrender, and I yield each time only after a struggle. Thank you, God, for fighting me for Me.

Responsible for others, I have to look, not with my eyes, but with the eyes of the Spirit. I have to see, not what my weary mind wants to see–the ugliness, the bitterness, the disappointment, the humanity. I have to not only see that, but also, the fact that those I am responsible for are flawed, weak, and deserving of Me fighting for them, just as Jesus the Christ fights for Me.

One of the things I have always noticed about Gideons’ Bibles in motel rooms is that they include an excellent guide of verses, categorized by topic and issue. A Lubbock friend (Billy Hull) sent me a link to God’s Yellow Pages today, which is like a 21st century Gideons’ guide to the Bible.

The entry that caught my attention tonight was one for “courage.” I blogged earlier today about courage— how it is not the lack of fear, but rather the ability to act despite fear– but this verse (Psalm 27:14) puts yet a different spin on courage that I need to be reminded of.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Courage, in a Christian sense, also means remembering WHO IS IN CONTROL of this world and what my place in it actually is. I think we often think of “courageous people” as folks who went out and “made things happen” — I at least don’t always think of courage as something that involves God’s will– often I think of it as something that is a product of human will. Certainly the choices we make matter… I think a great part of the Christian walk is the struggle to make GOOD and BETTER choices, when faced with temptations and adversity– but in the end we need to recognize the existance of God’s will and His sovereignty.

I am not sure about others, but I know that I RARELY want to wait. For anything. Waiting is not really considered virtuous anymore, in popular culture. Perhaps it never was, but it seems that it was held in higher regard by previous generations. The emphasis now in our consumer-driven society is to NEVER wait: always buy now, always satisfy your urges with rash spending and impulsive decision-making.

Those are poor habits. The Psalmist reminds us that we should strive to be courageous people– and we should take courage in the strength and in the perfect plan of the LORD. Waiting is difficult for adults, at times, just as it seems excruciatingly difficult for my two year old. Yet in waiting, we all should take heart– and have courage. For we may not know the future, but we know who holds the future…. and we can rest easy knowing that the future is in good hands. 🙂

For additional links like these, refer to the official website of the Gideons and click on “Bible Helps” and then “Help in Time of Need.”